Journal Entries. (April 22–30, 2012.)

Sunday, April 22nd–I woke after 6pm, and could easily have slept longer, but I know I need to adjust things so I can go to that fucking therapy appointment tomorrow. I got some reading done, though not as much as I wanted. I continued to follow the hunt for Louis, and retired around 6am.

Monday, April 23rd–I got up at noon and felt weird–woozy and dizzy. I don’t know why.

I made it to the clinic okay. The counselor said it sounded like I definitely had anxiety, but said the fact I’ve been able to meet my commitments, get to class, and so forth, indicates I don’t have agoraphobia, because if I did, I wouldn’t be able to leave the house at all.

He’s leaning towards believing I am indeed Bi-Polar. He didn’t pass me along to a psychiatrist, because the only thing a psychiatrist would do would  be to prescribe me medications, which I said I didn’t want to take. He suggested I call the SNAP people back, explain the situation again, and see if a letter from him will suffice.

After this I went to the HEB on North Lamar and got my prescriptions filled, took two buses back to my neighborhood, had fries, apples pies, and Dr. Pepper at McDonald’s. bought eggs and cookies at HEB, then went home. I walked Belle, then got on the computer, where I was overjoyed to learn that Louis the British Beagle has been found safe and sound (and on St. George’s Day, no less)!

Later on in the night I did the first half of a tutorial on Computer Basics, and actually learned from it.

Tuesday, April 24th–I woke up in late afternoon–I forget when.

I called an information number for my bank and learned I’ll soon be charged a fee every month. Originally it was $10, but I agreed to some procedure and got it lowered to $8.

M__ called. We talked about his party tomorrow. The original plan was a party for two hours with all his prominent connections, followed by a quieter dinner at a restaurant with friends, but he’s already landed a new girlfriend who is already insisting on private time with him. I would’ve thought after that last awful relationship he’d want to take a break and have a little “me-time,” but maybe he’s a masochist. Oh well.

We discussed my computer classes and my career problems. He indicated [Tek Skilz] might scare up some temp work for me. I said I wanted a permanent job, that temp and contract work might just fuck up my benefits. He said then I should look in the next nine to twelve months into some local job, maybe with the State, with an idea for sticking there until I’m 65, getting some retirement money socked away, and accruing insurance benefits. I explained that I want to get out of Texas as soon as possible. He said, “What’s wrong with here?,” but I didn’t have time to explain all the reasons why I hate this place and this life.

He said I could put my time in at a State job, maybe make $45,000 a year, get a bunch of holidays and two weeks a year of vacation, then after I retired maybe go some place that had a national healthcare and old age retirement system. He was leaning towards some warm, Latin American country.

All this talk depressed me. It made me want to do nothing more than sabotage any potential job [Tek Skilz] might offer me.

I finished the tutorial. It took a lot longer than I thought it would.

I got some weepy Tumbler oddball upset because I spoke negatively of sex.

I had posted, “Life would be so much more pleasant if all my friends were asexual. So many potentially good times have been ruined by friends sniffing possible sex in the air and running off like rutting animals in pursuit. And I’ve never been able to fully respect a person who is ruled by his genitals.”

The offended party described himself as follows: “I’m a 22-year-old autistic gay asexual nonromantic demisensual femme trans demiguy who studies philosophy. I’m an ex-Catholic agnostic. I’m also a borderline person and a person with a non-human identity.”

And to my post he replied, “How possibly antisexual and potentially slut-shaming of you. Sexual attraction does not mean that a person is ‘ruled by [their] genitals.’”

Christ, these fucking kids need to get lives.

I got a very small amount of reading done.

Wednesday, April 25th–I didn’t get much sleep last night, and woke at noon.

I headed down to M___’s 40th birthday in East Austin. It took almost two miserable hours to get there on the fucking buses.

M____ was disappointed in how the party turned out. There weren’t as many guests there as he’d hoped, and he spent the whole party circulating. He rented a huge, three-bay-wide Quonset hut–an office furniture warehouse that’s now in the process of being turned into an arts venue–but the hall was so hot and stuffy everyone stayed out in the side yard, which was pretty hot as well. (The art on display was pretty awful.)

I had hoped I’d at least get a couple beers from M___, since there was a cash bar and he knows I have no money, but no dice–I got no beer and no food. But I like to think M___ was glad I showed up and enjoys the CD I gave him.

There was a Dixieland brass band there that played loudly for three-fourths of the party, so it was impossible to hear what anybody was saying.

One of the nice things about taking a camera to a party is it means you don’t have to talk to so many people.

Between the noise and the camera I didn’t do a great deal of talking, and pretty much kept to myself.

I was very anxious to get out of there, and kept looking at my clock, but M____ had arranged for a friend to give me a ride home, so I didn’t get out of there until about 7:30pm. (The party started at 5pm.)

When I got home I was as tired and sore as if I’d been hauling 100-pound bags of feed on my back all day. I decided against going to UT…tomorrow. I even lay down for awhile on the bed with Belle, and was too exhausted to do a tutorial or read.

Thursday, April 26th–I woke in mid-afternoon, exhausted and sore. I walked and fed Belle, ate, then went back to bed for a few more hours.  I felt a little better when I got back up, but not by much.

Friday, April 27th–I puttered and read.

Saturday, April 28th–I slept well into the night, and spent much of the evening working on my new blog.

Sunday, April 29th–I got up late, walked and fed Belle, ate, puttered, showered, explored my social media domain, read in Huxley, worked on the new blog, and retired in mid-afternoon of the following day.

Monday, April 30th–I mostly worked on my various sites. I walked Belle around the block and we saw a young dead deer on the sidewalk next to Jollyville Road. This saddened me. Belle did not make a fuss. Later in the morning I did a tutorial on digital cameras. I retired after 5pm Tuesday.

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